Easier Said than Done 2013

"Try to make the most out of whatever life throws you." Good advice, right? I know I oftentimes repeat this piece of advice in my blog posts but that is because I firmly believe in it and it is my own daily reminder. Making the most out of whatever life throws you is not as easy as it sounds and it can be incredibly challenging. Being positive is all well and good but sometimes the reality of your situation is not a positive one. You have to acknowledge what your circumstances are because if you don't acknowledge it, then you aren't being true to yourself. Once you acknowledge things then the hard part starts: acceptance and moving forward.

I did not think 2 weeks after having the first bogus EMG test I would still be experiencing rather extreme symptoms. I do not know if my symptoms are from the high humidity in Illinois, lack of manual physical therapy or my nerves being hypersensitive causing my muscles to spasm. It is so hard to accept and wrap my head around the condition of my shoulders when they were completely different just a few short weeks ago. I can't even begin to describe what it is like to wake up every day and see your shoulder progress move backward instead of forward. The 2 months of hard work and progress in Colorado feels like it never happened. My main fear when I left Colorado was that my shoulder would fall apart. This fear seems and feels like it is becoming a reality.

One of the good things over the past couple of days is I finally think my shoulders have plateaued with how bad they want to get...for now. The hard part about waking up everyday now is moving my arms and seeing my pre EMG motion is yet to come back. I wake up with muscle spasms over both shoulders and shoulder blades which causes upper back and neck pain. The cherry on top is having my right shoulder subluxate. This is a huge bummer because that is the shoulder that had the graft put in, in November 2012 to stabilize my joint. To try to help my symptoms I have tried several things. I've used the heating pad, gone in the hot tub, tried gentle range of motion exercise in the hot tub, taken muscle relaxants to calm my crazy muscle spasms down, and have taken pain medication. My symptoms don't go away but they do become more tolerable.

Right shoulder now subluxates when I move my arm by

my side. If you look at the back of my shoulder, you 

can see the ball move back into the socket.

 It did not do this before my EMG on July 16th

so I don't know why it is doing it now.

I was told to work on what are called quadruped
exercises. It is when you are on your hands and
knees and you are supporting your body weight.
Sounds simple but it is very challenging for me.
Yesterday I woke up with my left scapula in a
freak-out. The faint line that starts at the top of my
scapula, extends down to the bottom of my scapula
and then goes in towards my spine shouldn't be there.
I'm praying that my muscle didn't detach. If it doesn't
get better, then further evaluation will be needed.

Amongst all the medical craziness, I've been trying to stay busy and do as much as I can continue to incorporate fun into my life. Some days I have felt absolutely awful have had to lay down throughout the day to take breaks because my muscles get so darn tight. It's not that I need to lay down for hours at a time. Laying down for even a half hour can make a difference and help me get through the rest of the day. I try to do what I can when my body is physically able.

Waiting for a Bon Jovi concert to start. I went with my mom

and it was definitely a great memory.  

Hanging out with my nephew. He is a funny little guy and can

always put a smile on my face.  

 Hanging out with my nephew. It's nice being able to hold him

while he is still tiny and not trying to squirm off my lap.  

It was a beautiful day at the racetrack with my nieces.

Once again, I know that  making the most out of whatever life gives you isn't easy. I recently was accepted into Northeastern Illinois University but my shoulders are giving me so many issues right now that by not knowing what comes next from a medical standpoint, it is very hard to commit to anything because I don't know what the future brings. It is very difficult to make any sort of personal plans and pursue what I want because I don't know how my body will react. My plan of action as of yesterday, is to return back to Colorado. I will fly out on August 27, 2013 with my mom, have another EMG test done on the 28th and meet with Dr. M on the 29th. I'll also meet with my physical therapist so he can hopefully calm these evil shoulders down. Wish me luck. I'm going to need it.

A fundraising page was created to help with medical expenses. If you would like to donate follow the link below. Thank you!!

https://www.giveforward.com/fundraiser/cn33/my-impossible-medical-journey-fund