After the Surprise Surgery 2013

While my mom and I were in Colorado, I received a phone call from our local news station back in Illinois; NBC5 Chicago. I submitted an essay about my mom to their Mother's Day Make Over Contest. My mom is a top 5 finalist!! Who would have thought?!? I knew she deserved something special but a lot of people feel that way towards their mom.

Please click on the link below and vote for my mom Karen King. You can vote multiple times per day as long as it is from a DIFFERENT computer. Voting ends May 5th. The top 3 win a make over at a spa, a gift certificate to a hotel and make a TV appearance. She is beyond deserving of having a special day!! She has been there every step of the way with all of this surgery. Thank you for your votes in advance!!

http://www.nbcchicago.com/on-air/contests/Mothers-Day-Make-Over-Voting-2013-203223861.html


I want to say thank you to everyone for all of the well wishes after I found out I was having this surprise surgery on April 10th. Talk about being thrown for a loop! I figured I would end up with another surgery, but I didn't think it would be the next day after seeing my doctor. It has been a roller coaster of emotions since finding out I was having this surgery. So many various things have happened. It has really tested my patience and ability to just go with the flow.

Before being rolled back for surgery 23

After my shoulder surgery, I was told one of the anchors popped, as well as a suture. Not to mention all of the scar tissue that I had. I had a subacromial decompression as well as a subcoracoid decompression. The "cherry on top" was finding out I have stage 4 arthritis...just wonderful...not. The loud, audible pop that I felt back in January was the anchor popping. It had been poking me for the past 9 weeks of physical therapy that I was doing. No wonder pt hurt so much. This is another perfect example of why it is so important to listen to your body. My MRI showed once again there was zero wrong. Seems to be an ongoing theme with my MRIs.

Pictures of some of the junk that was found in my shoulder

Physical therapy started the day after surgery. I went for a week and a half, two times per day while I was in Colorado. Since nothing was actually repaired, just more cleaned out, recovery was not bad at all. It actually didn't really feel like I had a surgery. I didn't have a large open incision, and it was absolutely nothing in comparison to all of the previous surgeries I have had. There was an immediate difference in physical therapy with the way my shoulder felt. I don't have this sharp, catching, knife-like feeling with every little, basic shoulder motion. Ex: attempting to get my arm up to write on the table.

Motion out to side before surgery 



Motion moving my arm forward

The following week, my motion was back to where it was pre-pop on March 28th. This is a very good thing because it means I haven't lost any motion from this surgery. At the same time, it makes me concerned because I still have this sharp pain over where the top screw is in my shoulder at the same point I did before surgery. Hopefully through continuing to work really hard at physical therapy, we will be able to get my motion past this point. I know my shoulder is always going to hurt to some extent because of the arthritis.

Between all of the physical therapy, my mom and I would go for a walks in the village. While we were in Colorado, we received a snowstorm. The one day we got 16 inches of snow and then a couple days later we were hit with more snow. Since we didn't have to drive in it we didn't really care. The snow made everything look very pretty with the mountains in the background. We would cook food in the condo and watch the snow fall outside. It was relaxing.

My mom 

 View of the creek 

 Just me. The view was so pretty.

Two days before we were supposed to fly home to the flat state of Illinois on April 18th, my mom received a phone-call from our family that our dog Katie had died. It was very unexpected. My sister brought her to the vet because she was throwing-up and was not her usual self. The vet kept her for a few hours to give her fluids because she seemed to have the flu. They called my sister at lunchtime to tell her Kate is responding well to the fluids and can be picked up in a few hours. Soon after that, things went south really fast. They let Kate out to go to the bathroom before she got picked up. She ran after the birds and barked like loon like she usually does at the squirrels. It was her favorite thing to do. When they brought her back inside the building, she took two steps and collapsed. The vet did an ultrasound of her heart and found a cancerous tumor called a hematosarcoma that filled up 90% of her right atrium. The vet said she had never seen one that large and never met a dog that lived with so much life. Kate had such a happy life and a will to live is what we were told. She went out on her own terms doing the thing she loved most. Barking at the squirrels.

On the left is Katie and on the right is Daisy. We were

told Katie had this tumor in her heart for at least 3 years.

Daisy moved into our home around the same time. Daisy

helped keep Katie around all these years. She reminded

Kate what it was like to have fun.



The following day, I still had physical therapy in the morning and in the afternoon. I'm sure I looked tired but my CO therapist doesn't know that my dog died. I went to my appointments focused and worked hard. During those appointments we woke up muscles that I forgot I had. I was so sore the next couple days but it was a good sore. Not the "Oh no something is wrong" sore. The following day my mom and I flew back home to Illinois. I will do physical therapy here for a few weeks while we make arrangements to stay out in Colorado for a couple months. The next few months will be difficult but I am confident that I will get better than I was before this surgery. Again, thank you for all the support.

A fundraising page was created to help with medical expenses. If you would like to donate follow the link below. Thank you!!

https://www.giveforward.com/fundraiser/cn33/my-impossible-medical-journey-fund

Surprise Surgery 2013

If you haven't caught on yet, there is never a dull moment in my life. Life changes on the drop of a dime. One minute you think you have control and everything planned out. The next minute you quickly realize you really don't have control. This is the story of my life.

As I've said before, my right shoulder has been misbehaving and giving me a lot of trouble. I've done 9 weeks of physical therapy since the initial pop with minimal improvements in range of motion. I've continued to have 2 funky depressions in the front of my shoulder with a lot of sharp pain when I move my arm and it has just been a hard 9 weeks. In March I made arrangements to come out to Colorado to do physical therapy for a week and then be reevaluated by Dr. M the following week. March 28th I had something pop in the front of my right shoulder again. Just when I thought it wasn't possible to lose more motion, I found out it is still possible.

On April 6, 2013 I flew out to Colorado with my mom. We drove up to the hospital the following day  to begin therapy on Monday. On April 8th I had my first Colorado physical therapy session. It's not what any of us would consider a successful visit. My therapist is encouraged I have some strength (to the average person it looks like I have no strength. I don't even consider it strength). It's a good thing I have a little strength because it shows me my body is capable of getting stronger; however, neither one of us are happy with the motion I have 5 months out from surgery. After the first pt session, my therapist called my doctor to get me in sooner.

At the second pt appointment in the afternoon my therapist saw the "animal" shoulder I have been dealing with. During the appointment which was cut short to about 30 minutes, my shoulder shifted forward twice. My arm was locked away from my side and I couldn't straighten or bend my elbow. My therapist had to manually manipulate my shoulder back into place. It hurt so bad. That evening I found out my appointment with Dr. M was moved up to the following morning.

April 9, 2013: I had an MRI at 7:00 am and then met with Dr. M at 8:30 am. This is where life changed once again. After Dr. M attempted to examine my right shoulder, it was determined I would have surgery. My MRI is showing there is no problem but there is something obviously wrong. When I asked Dr. M when he was thinking I would have surgery he said, "Tomorrow." Talk about being thrown for a loop. I was not prepared for surgery at all. All of my post-surgery clothes are back home in Illinois.

April 10, 2013: Right now as I am writing this blog my stomach is growling, my heart is racing and my brain is racing in 8,000,000 directions. I have worked on a puzzle and I still  have to shower before arriving at the hospital at 1:00. It is hard to mentally prepare for a surgery when you and your doctor do not know what is going to be done until they get in your shoulder. Is it just going to be an arthroscopic procedure or is it going to change into an open incision? What kind of recovery do I have ahead of me? They are all unknown questions.

One thing I have learned over the past 7.5 years is to go with the flow. I don't have control over certain things so I try not to fret. I try to remind myself life is an adventure. It may not change the circumstances but it can help with the way you look at the situation. As soon as I am able to, I will write something to let you all know what happened during surgery.

The Calm Before the Storm-2009

To catch everyone back up to speed, 2008 was a very busy year. It entailed school, a wedding in Las Vegas, physical therapy, and traveling back and forth between Illinois and Kentucky to have surgery 5 times plus all of the check-ups. My parents and I welcomed in 2009 by visiting the emergency room because I was in so much pain from the open anterior capsular shift procedure I had on my right shoulder. What a way to start the New Year.

Compared to the previous years, 2009 was a pretty "boring" year for my family. There was still a lot of medical stuff going on but there was not nearly as much surgery. It was actually very weird not having a lot of surgery. When you are having surgery all the time, you get in a new rhythm of life and you try to think ahead to figure out what things you can and cannot plan. For me, I was always thinking what classes I should or should not take. Luckily, I did not have any surgery in Spring 2009; all I had was the bulky brace. So I took chemistry, nutrition, medical terminology, and intermediate algebra. Even though there was no surgery, I still had a bunch of post-op appointments. We planned all these appointments around school to make sure I didn't miss a lot of class; classes were Monday-Friday. My parents would pick me up from school Thursday afternoons when I would get out of chemistry and from there we would start the drive to Kentucky. I would get all of my medical terminology homework ahead of time and do it all in the car. This semester of school I ended up with all A's.

January 29, 2009 my parents picked me up from school. We brought my niece Lizzy with us too. All of us were looking forward to getting away from the Chicago snow and getting into a warmer climate. Well, surprise, surprise! We didn't get away from the snow and we didn't experience any warm weather. It seems like we actually brought the Chicago weather with us to Kentucky because they had a fierce SNOW/ICE STORM!! Kentucky is NOT supposed to get snow! They aren't even equipped to handle snow, nonetheless ice. The whole town was shut down. Everyone knew we weren't from Kentucky because we were the only ones brave enough to drive in those conditions. At one of the restaurants, our waitress said, "Ya'll must not be from around here because you drove in the snow." There was only a couple inches of snow. It didn't seem a lot seeing as we had a foot of snow in front of our house.

 Me, my niece Lizzy & mom

 You can see the icicles hanging off the rocks

 It was a VERY pretty ride

In 2009 we actually got a surgery break...HOORAY!! Instead of our lives revolving around surgical dates, we swapped it for our lives revolving around physical therapy dates. In June, Dr. B wanted me to see a specialist in Chicago because I was having muscle communication issues with both of my shoulder blades. I continued to have scapular winging and it was as if my muscles were turned off at the bottom of both my shoulder blades (diagnosis in 2010: blog to come in the future). I also continued to have instability issues in my right shoulder. This new doctor recommended I go see a different physical therapist in downtown Chicago 2-3 times per week.



Just another drive down to Chicago. You never know

what you are going to find. We thought it was funny. 

For the next 6 months my mom or dad would drive me to Chicago to see the physical therapist. The new routine was wake up at 5:30am. Leave the house at 6:00am to beat some of the downtown traffic. We would then park the car and walk down to the coolest Rock-n-Roll McDonalds to kill some time (this was the fun part). Physical therapy appointments were at 9:00 and would last until 10-10:30ish. After the appointments my parents would drive me to school. (My parents are really not mean. In order to stay on their insurance, I had to be a full time student.)  It was not easy in the least. I hurt really bad. There was no rest because I had homework to get done for the following day. My grades are very important to me; I ended up with 3 A's and 1 B.

This physical therapy was very different than any other physical therapy I've ever done. It was crazy, weird, non-traditional, and extremely aggravating at times. There is no easy way to explain what stuff we did. I was always very tense and my therapist was always telling me to relax in his lovely baritone voice. Honestly, I couldn't relax because I did not trust him. He seems like a very nice person and all, but I got the impression he didn't believe me and thought I was being overdramatic when it came to the pain. It is hard to have trust in a medical professional when they don't seem to trust you. We never exactly saw eye-to-eye because I didn't feel this was the right course of treatment.

As a patient, the feedback you receive from all of your medical caregivers is very important. Even though I didn't think this was the correct course of treatment I still went every single week and tried my best. If nothing else, this physical therapist brought many new/unusual/odd moments looking back.

Odd Moment #1:
I would lay on my back with my elbows facing the ceiling. He would take a tool which looked to be like a long wooden incense burner and would repeatedly drag it over my triceps where I was having sharp, stabbing pain (diagnosis came in 2011). This was torture. I tried to be a good sport, but boy did it kill!!

Odd Moment #2:
The insertion of his fingers into my ears. (I am laughing as I write this; however, I've heard of this being done since then. I guess it serves a purpose. Although, I STILL don't know what the purpose is.) It was very hard to relax because I didn't know if I would get a finger in my ear. Good thing it wasn't a wet-willie.

Odd Moment #3:
In June a renowned physical therapist from the Czech Republic had come to Chicago to teach. I was the "lucky" guinea pig selected for him to do a demonstration on in front of at least 50 people. I learned in that moment how hard it is to communicate the symptoms you are having when there is a language barrier. This man did not know that I had right shoulder instability. He raised my right arm past my limit and shifted me out of place in front of ALL of these people. Talk about feeling publicly humiliated. I wanted to crawl under a rock and hide. I do not like being the center of attention to begin with. I was so mad to have at least 100 hundred eyes watching me as I cried and tried to compose myself. To top it off my physical therapist was kneeling in the front row recording me. I have one of my lowest moments captured on film for others to view. Just great...not.

My MRI Arthrogram from April 2009.

All of that white around the head of the

humerus (ball) should not be there. It

demonstrates a patulous capsule. There

should only be a thin white line. 

Come the middle of August I decided it was time to have my shoulder reevaluated by Dr. K. There weren't great improvements in the multidirectional instability that I had. We knew based off of the MRI I had done in April, my capsule was very loose. Think about it. This is the shoulder that just had surgery December 31, 2008. Less than 4 months later, my capsule was all stretched out once again. What the heck is going on?? Our hope was through strengthening the muscles around my shoulder, it would help stabilize the joint. Since this didn't work out the way we had hoped, surgical intervention was needed. On September 2, I ended up having a right shoulder posterior stabilization procedure done even though my therapist didn't agree with surgical intervention. I do take in consideration all opinions from the doctors and therapists I'm working with. At the end of the day, I am the one living with the instability on a day-to-day basis. I look at how frequently I am subluxating in one day as well as how much the instability is affecting my life. At this point in my life, I still had hopes of wanting to be an orthopedic surgeon one day. I don't know about you, but I know I wouldn't want a surgeon taking a scalpel to me if they would subluxate/dislocate out of the joint without any warning sign and accidently cut something that wasn't supposed to get cut.

After surgery, I was first immobilized for 6-8 weeks and I then started physical therapy once again in Chicago. Things were improving at first; however, once I gained more motion (approx. 45 degrees of flexion) I was still getting hit with a sharp, stabbing pain down the back of my arm. I was not able to externally rotate my arm without feeling this pain too. The surgery worked from a stabilization standpoint but nothing was found showing the explanation of the triceps pain. Because of this, my physical therapist had a hard time believing my symptoms. The breaking point happened in December. I was at therapy laying on my back with my elbows pointing towards the ceiling. My therapist kept trying to increase my motion. I laid on the table quietly crying wishing more than anything he would just stop and leave me alone. I already knew he thought I was exaggerating the pain. My therapist sat in the swivel chair near my head. He rested his head on his hand and said, "I don't know what to do. I have never seen this before." Those are the last words I remember him saying. I never went back to Chicago for physical therapy.

I tell myself I went through all of this for a reason. By the end of December, I transferred to a therapist closer to home. I have been with this physical therapist over 3 years. It was the best move I have ever done. I trust him completely. Over the years he has become a friend. I give him a lot of credit for putting up with me and not giving up. That's a true physical therapist.

I just realized 2009 was the last time it was a "quiet" year...

A fundraising page was created to help with medical expenses. If you would like to donate follow the link below. Thank you!!

https://www.giveforward.com/fundraiser/cn33/my-impossible-medical-journey-fund

So Why Colorado?

March 2013

Before going back to writing in order starting in 2009, I thought I would discuss what led up to the surgery this past November and how I ended up in Colorado when I live in Illinois. This way I'll be able to maybe change the blog format and discuss present day stuff along with the story of how I got to this point. In a couple weeks, I am going to be going to Colorado for 10 days. It is very hard to live your life when you do not know how your life is going to lay out. I know I will be doing physical therapy in Colorado for 2-3 months at some point and will probably do a little writing every day to deal with stress. I think this will be a good way to keep all family and friends informed.

March 21, 2012 I had what I thought was going to be my last shoulder surgery here in Illinois by my "Favorite Illinois Doctor" :) I drew Dr. K a tiger picture for putting up with me for the past 6 years that I eventually had framed; Dr. K fixed my right knee, both my hips, and did a number of my shoulder stabilization procedures. I made Dr. K take a picture with me before surgery.

Tiger that I drew with colored pencil for Dr. K

The symptoms that I had didn't really match up with the surgery that I needed to have done. It is a good thing we weren't betting money in Las Vegas because I would have bet money saying that I needed to have the front of my shoulder tightened up because I was subluxating anteriorly all the time. Even when Dr. K examined me before surgery, I subluxated out the front and had to call him back in because neither I, nor my dad, could pop it back in. Before Dr. K did surgery, it was discussed that he would do an open incision in the front and the back of my shoulder. When Dr. K performed the surgery and was able to look inside the joint with a tiny camera called an arthroscope, it showed the posterior (back) aspect of my shoulder was extremely patulous (loose) and the anterior (front) aspect of my shoulder was nice and secured. So I had a posterior stabilization done as well as debridement of the labral tearing that I had.

All excited playing cards because I thought this was going to

be my last shoulder surgery. It was a very happy day

considering the circumstances.  

My amazing niece nurse Emily taking care of me. Emily

loves doing whatever she can to help me after surgery.

She is the best :)



For the next 4 months I worked really hard and continued doing all my school work. For Spring semester 2012 I took Biomechanics & Kinesiology as well as Exercise Physiology; I received As in both those classes. Since things were going very well, I felt like I was in a position where I could finally start looking towards the future. I met with an advisor at the University of Illinois-Chicago to see when I could transfer out and apply for their Kinesiology-Movement Sciences program. My long term career goal was to go to medical school and become an orthopedic surgeon specializing in shoulders. After meeting with the advisor, she informed me that I had to take calculus and another biology class. I decided to sign up for calculus in the summer...BAD IDEA! All I know is there should be a disclaimer for students signing up for summer calculus because it was awful. Math is not my strong suit and it was brutal. The pace was so fast since it is a 16 week course condensed into 8 weeks. I ended up withdrawing from the class and decided to take it Fall 2012 instead.

When the end of July came, things in my right shoulder unexpectedly made a major turn for the worse. The weather in the Chicago land area was very hot and very humid when everything went south. I remember I was working on the tiger that I was donating to a burn camp fundraiser for burn injured youths in the dining room. While sitting, I clasped my hands together and stretched my arms in front of me. When I moved like this, the front of my right shoulder shifted out the front then back in. A few choice swear words came to mind because my shoulder should not have been able to move like that. I didn't say anything to my parents right away. I wanted to wait until I saw my physical therapist and see what his impression was. When I had physical therapy later in the week, I showed him how my shoulder would shift in and out just by "swinging" it slightly by my side. We were both concerned; I told my parents later that night. Next stop was seeing Dr. K.

When Dr. K walked in, I looked at him and said, "Hi Dr. K! I feel like I haven't seen you in forever! It's been 2 full months!" He looked at me and replied, "That's a good thing. It means you are getting better." I sat there, chuckled, and looked at my mom. (Dr. K didn't know at this point that I was having issues.) I took a deep breath. Looked at Dr. K and said, "Sooo funny you should say that because I am subluxating anteriorly again on my right shoulder." He stared at me. I felt like a bug under a microscope. He got up and examined my shoulder. Sure enough I was popping out the front. Dr. K suggested I see Dr. B down in Kentucky for his opinion; Dr. B appointment was set for the beginning of October.

September 22, 2012 was a big turning point for the negative change in my right shoulder. While my mom and I were at my brothers house in the evening watching my nephew, my right shoulder shifted out of place when I went to rub my niece's hair. I sat in the chair in shock. It was such a basic motion. My shoulder should not have popped out of place by moving my arm across my body.  Long story short, my mom ended up taking me to the emergency room because neither one of us could get it back into place. My mom called my sister Kelly to come over to finish watching our nephew for us.

So my sister arrived. Ready, set, go! My mom and I were off. It's 12:00 at night and the two of us are rolling down the highway for a 40 minute ride to the hospital. For amusement, we blasted Tom Petty; my mom was trying to distract me from the pain I was in. For 40 minutes we sat there singing very loudly to "American Girl" & "You Don't Know How it Feels". It may not have worked for the pain, but it did bring some humor to the situation. When we finally arrived at the hospital, we spent the next several hours trying to get my shoulder back into place. It was determined my shoulder was dislocated. No wonder it hurt! I refused the versedt (blocks memory) but accepted pain medication for the pulling and tugging that was required to set it back in place. (A blog will be written in the future about this eventful night).

These 2 depressions are what

appeared after I dislocated.

My arm is lifted about 5 inches

off of the ground.



The next 3 weeks was filled with much travel seeing doctors. Dr. K in Chicago, Dr. L in Chicago (2nd opinion), Dr. B in Kentucky, Dr. K in Chicago, Dr. M in Colorado. It felt like we were playing "Where's Waldo" only our game was titled "Where's the Shoulder Specialist".

I ended up going to Colorado because I needed to go where the specialist who deals with chronic shoulder instability is. Dr. K did zero wrong. He has always tried to do what is best for me. Both Dr. K and Dr. B want me to be done with all this surgery just as much as I do. The injuries to my shoulders are just crazy complex and complicated. When I got home from Kentucky, I came across a procedure that is done for people who have had multiple shoulder stabilization procedures and continued to have instability issues. I brought this information to Dr. K to see if he had heard of the procedure. Dr. K told me he knew of the procedure, and knows Dr. M very well. They have been friends for 16 years and lived across the hall from each other during residency!!! He advised me to go see Dr. M. Talk about a small world kind of moment!

When I saw Dr. M in October I was given 3 options. One: live with the instability and do nothing. Two: have the anterior capsulolabral reconstruction surgery. Three: have a reverse shoulder replacement surgery. I refused to accept living with the instability and I refused to take drastic measures and have a reverse shoulder replacement. I am only 23 and have a lot of life ahead of me to deal with this shoulder. Therefore, I picked to have the reconstruction surgery. Before I left the office, I was scheduled to have surgery on November 9, 2012.

Before surgery #22 pic. That red thing in my lap is my USB.

Dr. M said they could take pictures of my surgery for me

and it put it on. He made me a CD instead; they are amazingly gross :)

After surgery was a very different story I felt awful and was SO miserable!

Luckily, we had a beautiful view of the mountain and snow

falling outside of my window.

This picture cracks me up. I was getting aggravated at my dad

b/c he kept taking my picture. I don't remember this but I guess

I said, "I so want to flick you off right now." He said, "Go for it." So I did :)

Anyone that knows me, knows I've not done this to anyone in my life.

(I blame it on the "happy" meds)

This was flying home back to Illinois. The landing was the

worst part because of the pressure and force put on my body.

The staff on the airplane was very helpful and accomodating.

If you have been following my blog, you know I had something pop in January 2013. I went to Colorado to see Dr. M and then came back to try a new method of physical therapy. This has not been going well. Yes, there have been some improvements; however, the spot where I felt something pop is still giving me so much trouble and I am not gaining a lot of motion. So, in April I will be going to Colorado with my mom for 10 days. I will do twice daily physical therapy for a week and then be reevaluated by Dr. M the following week. Fingers crossed, hopefully we can figure out a plan together. At this point, it will either be continue physical therapy in CO or have additional surgery. Regardless of what the outcome is, it is going to be very difficult and I will be in it for the long haul. Wish me luck! Anybody have any ideas to keep me & my mom occupied since we will literally be stuck in the middle of the Rocky Mountains? I'll keep you posted. Thanks for sharing my blog and for all of the support/encouragement!!

Thank God, time does go by and there is a light at the end

of the tunnel. Life continued and before we knew it,

Christmas was right around the corner.

Scars DON'T Define Who You Are

Scars; they are the tattoos that you didn't willingly ask for. They are crazy expensive (if from surgery) and aren't very attractive. Scars tell stories of what you have been through and where you have been. You are stuck with them the rest of your life. Yes, there is scar revision surgery to make the scars less noticeable, but at the end of the day, they are still there. Some scars are easy to get used to while others take more time to accept.

Every single day when I put my socks on, the scar on my ankle is the daily reminder of where this whole medical journey started. It makes me wonder what my life would look like now if I hadn't jumped up for that stupid football back in 2005. Would I have played soccer in college? Would I have continued the path of wanting to be a nurse? Would I be living on my own? There are so many, "What if questions" from the past, so I try not to waste my time thinking about what could have been because it is never going to happen.

By far, the scars on my shoulders and shoulder blades have been the hard ones to accept. If it was just one scar here, and one scar there, I wouldn't care as much; it would be like with my ankle. However, no matter which way my body is turned, a scar is visible on  my shoulders no matter what. Whether it be a small arthroscopic scar or a bigger one from an open incision. They are there.

When I was going through pictures, I came across a picture of my back from homecoming in 2005. I looked at that picture and the first thing I thought was, "Oh, look at that. There was once a time when my back looked "clean" and pretty." Probably the worst thing I did was compare it to a picture of my back now. It is a slap in the face. It is the reality of everything that has happened right in front of my eyes. Since the scars are on my back, oftentimes I don't think of them as being there because I can't see them.

Homecoming September 17, 2005

Life changed 4 days later.



Scar free and not a worry in the world.


It would be nuts for me to say, "No, my scars don't bother me and I am completely comfortable in my skin" because it's not true. However, most people are not 100% comfortable in their own skin. If you put a person in front of the mirror, they will be picking themselves apart. I have learned to accept my scars because it is what it is, but they do bother me at times. I notice they bother me the most when I put a swimsuit on, or, when I'm trying on shirts at the store and won't buy the shirt because I think the shirt "emphasizes" them. I am not trying to draw attention to my scars but I'm not trying to hide them either. It may be a hard concept to understand if you do not have this issue. It's funny how my own perception of my scars can change daily depending on where I am going and who I am going to be around. I usually wear my scars just fine. I call them my "battle-wounds."

Here I am over 7 years later in the same dress

My "battle-wounds"

My shoulders/ shoulder blades looks a bit different compared to 2005

In August of 2012, I went and visited a burn camp in Wisconsin for a couple days. It is a camp for children and teenagers who sufferred severe burns and have physical scarring; this camp is a place for them to be around other individuals their age who have gone through similar situations and have fun!! I wanted to be a counselor so bad at this camp and had to decline due to medical circumstances. The staff was kind enough to let me come up for a couple of days. Even though I couldn't be a counselor, I still wanted to participate in some way; I had to resort to plan B. I donated an original tiger drawing and a print of another tiger that I drew. They used them for fundraising. It just goes to show you, you might not be able to do what you want to do, but with a little creative thinking you can still be involved in some way.

Original tiger I donated

Print of tiger I donated

The moment that stands out to me the most at this camp was when I was eating lunch with some of the little girls who were around 9-10 years old. I wore a tank-top to the camp to put my scars to good use. I saw the little girl who was sitting across from me see the scars on my shoulders. She looked at me and bluntly asked, "Were you burned?" Honestly, this question caught be off guard because most people generally do not ask me what happened. I looked at her and said, "No I was not." She then said, "But you have scars." I told her, "Yes I do, but they are from needing surgery for an injury; not from being burned." This was a very short but honest conversation. As this little girl shared with me how she got burned and asked me more questions, it made me realize how much this little girl has been through. I think I saw a light bulb go off in her mind when she put together that scars come in many forms and that you can wear your scars proudly and go about your day. A lot of times the kids and teenagers are self-conscious of their scarring and might not participate in certain activities because of this. I strongly believe that scars DO NOT define who you are and should NOT get in the way of the things you want to do.   

Happy New Year ER Doc!

October 2008

As I have been writing these blogs, I feel as though I have started to sound redundant. I am not trying to sound this way in the least. The problem is certain years had a lot of surgery while others did not. The last time I didn't have a lot of surgery in a year was in 2009 & 2012; there were only 2 surgeries in each of those years. However, in 2008, I had 5 procedures done; there was one in February, April, June, October and December. The cycle of my life (especially in 2008) is sign up for classes, get a diagnosis, get ready for surgery, have surgery, recover from surgery, go to physical therapy and get diagnosed again. In the meantime while all of that stuff is going on, I am trying to incorporate some sort of "normalcy" in my life while coping with the idea of having to need another procedure done. It's hard to find a balance between dealing with the medical aspect of life and being involved in typical day to day activities. It is hard to maintain good grades in school and it is hard to maintain friendships because it takes a lot of effort. Let's face it, most people do not live this way. Depending on circumstances and what is going on, the medical aspect of things is more important than a social life. It is a good thing for text messaging because without that, I know I wouldn't be in contact with my friends as often as I would like. Living this medical life has become my "new normal."  I do not know one person that lives relatively close to me, and is in my age group that lives this way.

Do you have any idea how hard it is to relate to people when you are living a very medical filled life? I feel like the people I relate to the most are people who have gone through a lot of hardships. Just a few examples: people that have had close family or friends that have had cancer, people that have had a lot of surgery, individuals that have physical scarring, and the same individuals that I have seen going to pt for a lot of years trying to get better. It isn't always easy for family/friends to understand this type of medical lifestyle. I think a lot of times, people do not know what to say half the time and there is an elephant in the room. I am very lucky to have a group of friends who are able to see beyond the medical stuff. They are able to see that I am more than just a person who seems to have surgery all of the time; it just takes time to get to know me. However, that's with anyone; you don't really know anybody unless you take the time to get to know the person. I am a completely different person now than I was 7 years ago when I was playing soccer. I have a different outlook on life, and my personality is different. Luckily my close friends are used to my "crazy" methods of getting things done, my medical blabber, making fun out of my situation and helping me if I need assistance. Those that know me best know that I am a crazy Chicago Blackhawks hockey fan, they know I yell/cheer like a loon if there is a bad call or when we score. They know I like to go out to eat, go to the show, go downtown, mini-golf with one arm (if I'm in a brace), and draw. I realize I can't do everything they want to do, but thank you to everyone who picks activities that they know I can participate in.

So now it is time to wrap up 2008; geeze did a lot happen that year!

After the surgery on my left shoulder in October, I was not in my typical "Yay it's almost Halloween mode." I didn't want to dress up in the least. That was the first sign that I felt terrible. Usually I am dressed up and painting my nieces faces. I love decorating for Halloween. I always have and probably always will. That year I put on an orange shirt and figured that was good enough.

 My mom, grandpa and me. We stick a "bloody" hand in the middle of our

front yard every year from the 1976 movie Carrie :) 

Finishing up the fall semester after that surgery was very hard. My left shoulder and shoulder blade felt swollen, bruised and had a lot of pain. My right side was subluxating and I was still having a lot of pain in my shoulder from when the "thing" popped in pt back in June (I was scheduled for surgery Dec. 30th in KY). The classes I took required a lot more concentration and effort than the previous semester did. Pain medication very much alters your ability to concentrate on tedious details. I did pass all my classes, but I set a high standard for myself and was not happy with my grades. I ended up with 2 A's and 2 C's. I would have gotten a B in my bio class but my teacher failed me on a lab because I wasn't there since I was in surgery that day. When I talked to him ahead of time, I was told it would be okay. Obviously it wasn't since he failed me because I wasn't allowed to make-up the lab; that C still annoys me haha.

December 2008

On December 30, 2008 I had surgery down in Kentucky with Dr. B; the New Year was right around the corner. For this surgery I had an open anterior capsular shift with capsular plication as well as a Bankart repair (labrum tear at the front/bottom of joint). I was diagnosed with multi-directional instability of my right shoulder joint at this time. Our New Year's celebration entailed watching the ball drop in New York City on T.V Of course the King family can't celebrate a holiday like a typical family does. As I watched T.V I was miserable all night long. My parent's offered to bring me to the ER but I was just being stubborn and was going to watch that damn ball fall. I mentioned in a previous blog, you don't always think straight when you are in pain; this is one instance. So there we were in the hotel room. My parents sat on the couch and I laid miserably on the bed. Not a good time for any of us. After a long miserable night of waiting for Dick Clark to do the countdown the ball finally fell. With that, I then looked at my parents and said, "There. Now we can go to the ER." It's funny how your mind just doesn't want to give up the traditional holiday.  So within the first few minutes of 2009, my parents and I sat in the emergency room. When the ER physician asked what I was given for pain control, he told me, "Know wonder you are here. This stuff isn't going to touch you with the work you had done." Good to know I wasn't being melodramatic. He gave me a nice shot of "happy" meds and some oral medicine. He then told my parents, "You have 10 minutes to get her tucked into bed before this medicine puts her to sleep." He was right...Happy New Year!!

 Only 13 staples this time

 

 

All buckled, strapped, propped, and iced for the car ride home

To this day I can still remember going to Dr. K for my post-op appointment down in Chicago to have my staples removed. I remember him sitting on the chair reading my operative report. As he read, he surprisingly said, "You had a Bankart lesion!" I looked at him and nodded my head yes and then said, "Is that what I felt pop in pt back in June?" Dr. K looked at me with wide eyes and moved his head up and down. He said, "Yes." That stupid Bankart lesion occurred because my physical therapist at the time didn't listen to me when I said there was a lot of pressure in the joint and to stop. I know everyone is different and some people need to be pushed; I just wish there was some sort of radar lie detector ability that pt people/doctors could have because I wasn't being dramatic. This error caused me a lot of suffering. Again, it just goes to show you, only you knows your body and its limits best.

So good-bye 2008. It sure was a blast "reliving" you :) Now it's time to move on to 2009...

A fundraising page was created to help with medical expenses. If you would like to donate follow the link below. Thank you!!

https://www.giveforward.com/fundraiser/cn33/my-impossible-medical-journey-fund

Feel Bad?? Keep Living.

July 2008

Have you ever had one of those days where you told somebody to do something, they didn't listen, and something bad happened? Then because they didn't listen they created a whole lot of trouble for you down the line. Aren't those days the worst? For some reason, I seem to have this happen to me a lot from a medical standpoint. I understand that I didn't go to medical school or physical therapy school, but I do know my body really, really well and only you knows your body best. On July 25, 2008 I was in my second week of physical therapy trying to get stronger from the capsular plication and biceps tenodesis surgery. While I was at pt on the 25th, I was laying on my back and my physical therapist at the time was working on abduction (moving arm out to side). Things were going okay, but when she moved my arm a little more, I felt a lot of pressure in the back of my right shoulder. I told her this, and I also told her to not move my arm anymore. Well, she moved it a centimeter more and POP! My arm went weak, and I felt a ton of pain just spreading over the back of my shoulder joint. I was crying and told her to get me ice. I was so mad. I just told her not to move my arm farther and she didn't listen. I don't know why when I say to stop sometimes, it seems to fall on deaf ears. Last time I checked, they weren't the ones living inside of my body feeling what I'm feeling. You can't treat every patient according to textbook; every patient is different and some have "special" circumstances. I don't get why there is such a disconnect sometimes. Like doctors, you need to find the right physical therapist for you. I am blessed to have found a really, really good one that I have been with for 3 years now.

Four days after the pop in physical therapy, I had an MRI and saw Dr. K a few days later. My MRI showed a possible loose stitch but it wasn't definitive. When I saw Dr. K he wasn't overly concerned. My gut was telling me it was something to be concerned about, but because Dr. K wasn't, I just continued going to physical therapy and tried working as hard as I could with the limitations that I had. Luckily that time of the year was super busy so I was distracted by other stuff just about every day. My parent's 30th wedding anniversary was coming up, so my siblings and I were planning a surprise party for them. We invited our aunts, uncles, cousins and some of their friends. They had no clue. August 12, 2008 was such a great day.

First off, when my sister and I picked up this cake, it was

the ugliest thing ever. It was white frosting with brown

icing; nothing else. As we were heading to the check-out

line freaking out about what we were going to do with this ugly

cake, we passed flowers. We decided to put fresh flowers

on it to make it look pretty.  

 My mom and dad

 

Come the end of August I was balancing school and physical therapy for both shoulders/shoulder blades. Fall 2008 I took anthropology, intro to bio, health, and intercultural communications; I still wanted to go into nursing. What sucked the most, was in order to stay on my parent's health insurance, I had to be a full time student. I don't know where to begin to explain how hard this was physically. It didn't matter if I would need surgery or not, I still had to be full time student. In the meantime, therapy wasn't going well in the least. I saw Dr. B in September and I explained to him what was going on. In addition to my right side being problematic, I told him my left scapula continued to give me trouble, I had something catching in the joint and I had the same biceps tendon symptoms that I had on my right side. When I saw Dr. B, he ordered an MRI; it showed I had a torn labrum and that there was nothing wrong with my biceps tendon. Dr. B wasn't sure why I was having scapular issues but going off of my word, he agreed to make an incision over the top portion and look. He also said he would do a biceps tenodesis on my left side like he did on my right. Surgery was scheduled for October 21, 2008

We've crossed over this bridge too many times to count.

It takes you over the Ohio River into Louisville, KY.

We always look forward to crossing this bridge because

we are out of Indiana. Once you get into KY it's so pretty.

 

 

October 2008

Knowing that this surgery was going to be more invasive and a major pain, my parents and I decided to drive down to Kentucky 2 days before surgery so we could have one day to have a "pre-surgery fun day". We went to Natural Bridge State Park. They have big hills that have various trails that you can hike. My parents and I decided to hike the trail that was closest to where we parked the car. Word of advice: look at a trail map before you start hiking; being the geniuses that we are, we didn't do that. So 3.75 miles later, straight up hill, and some sore muscles, we made it to the top!! All we planned on doing was going for a nice short leisurely hike. It was a wonderful surprise to find that there was a ski lift that could take us back down!!

My mom Karen, me and my dad Joe

 

My mom and I

 

 

My dad and I

 

 

View from the top!

 

 

October 21, 2008...it's surgery day...again. To make sure Dr. B looked at the right spot on my shoulder blade, I grabbed a good ol' trusty black pen and had my mom help me draw a line on my skin. I also drew on the front of my shoulder where I was having the biceps tendon pain. After that was done, we went to the surgery center. I had to be there at 10:00am. When I arrived, I found out they accidentally gave me the wrong time of arrival; I needed to come back at 1:00. Since I wasn't allowed to eat, we couldn't go out to breakfast. We did the next best thing...we went to the local Kruger grocery store to stock up on food for after surgery. Looking back, I'm surprised I made it through that store without eating anything. 

 

So back to the surgery center at 1:00. I had another new pre-op nurse. The 4 previous nurses I had all stopped by my room to say hello to me. It did not feel like I was going to be having surgery soon at all; the atmosphere was way to happy. With all the nurses in my room, we were talking and catching up with each other; it seemed more like a party. Soon enough our "party" ended and it was time to be wheeled back for surgery. Dr. B made his incision over the exact line I had my mom draw on me. Sure enough there was damage; a part of my rhomboid muscle wasn't attached to the bone so there was a "palpable hole". In addition to reattaching my rhomboids, Dr. B also did an arthroscopy to fix my labrum. Finally, he made a larger incision over the front of my shoulder to do the biceps tenodesis. Once again, my biceps tendon was moving back and forth like a windshield wiper just like on my right side; good thing Dr. B trusted me to do an open incision on the front of my shoulder as well as over my shoulder blade.

 

 

The car ride home was soooo much fun...not. It sucked. It is the longest 9 hours ever!

 

 

Sarcastic smile: yay the bandages are off, we are home & I feel great!

 

16 staples in the front



13 staples in the back.

Total= 29



 

 

In the movie "The Wizard of Oz" Dorothy says, "There's no place like home." This is very true. When you have surgery out of state, all of the little things that give you comfort are not there. Even though the peace and quiet is a wonderful thing, you don't have your own comfy bed, it's hard to take a shower because you don't have a "system" down, there are no neighborhoods to take a 5 min walk, and most of all, there are no pets allowed.

 

 



This is Daisy. She still lays by me to this day when I don't

feel good. Technically she is my sister's dog; however, Daisy

and I have a special bond. She is my "baby" and

my sister knows this :) 

 



 

Even when you don't feel good, not everybody knows this. The adults in my family know I don't feel good but my nieces didn't at the time. When the picture below was taken, they were 3 and 6. They didn't comprehend that it wasn't just a little "boo-boo" that you could kiss to make it feel better. When they would kiss my arm, I would tell them it made me feel better to make them feel like they have helped with something. In their eyes, I'm the same old person with just a big brace on. They want to spend time with me and have fun. I've learned we can still have fun by coloring, watching a movie, or making silly faces to have our picture taken. I've said it in just about every blog, but making fun really does help you get through the hard days. It sounds much easier to keep living and being involved in life when you don't feel good than it actually is. It takes a lot of effort and in a sense a lot of practice to get up and keep moving. In a weird sort of way you have to "train" your body to accept the way it is feeling and build up a tolerance to the pain and low energy. I don't want to feel like I have missed out on my nieces and other family member's lives because I didn't feel good.  

  

 

Have fun even though you don't feel good. My nieces

made me a princess crown so I would feel pretty.

Isn't this such a "pretty" picture :) 

 



It seems like I have said this before, little did I know, that pop I experienced in my right shoulder during pt back in June, did cause damage. It was only a matter of time before it was addressed...but in the meantime, my favorite holiday was coming up. Halloween!